Children are the victims of a major societal problem: Divorce

[Panharath]

As most of you may already know, divorce is a major problem today, yet an accepted one. Most of us are approaching marriage within the next decade; therefore, I would like to discuss divorce to help on the effects it has on children.
- What are the cause of conflicts which may lead to divorce?
- How many problems will occure with children after divorce?
- Is divorce better for parents or children?

[denith]

- Some people tends to be more "freedom" rather than "traditional" these days. It is the American effect which leads to this kind of perspective. People think they have their own rights to get what they want while forgetting the notion of the happy family. Each individuals become more independent and able to seek new way after a conflict, that is why they are not afraid of divorce.

-They adapt the behavior and will tend to repeat it once their turns come.

-Divorce is the ultimate answer of couple conflict. It can be "good" or "bad", depends.

[chesda]

Great topic!

However, divorce is not good for everyone . I can't count....

P.

[Tdol]

It can sometimes be better than not divorcing.

[denith]

Great topic!

However, divorce is not good for everyone . I can't count....

P.

Really?

What about the case of dominant violence from the husband in the family? Drunk husband? Toxic husband? Intoxicated husband? etc...?

[Panharath]

- Some people tends to be more "freedom" rather than "traditional" these days. It is the American effect which leads to this kind of perspective. People think they have their own rights to get what they want while forgetting the notion of the happy family. Each individuals become more independent and able to seek new way after a conflict, that is why they are not afraid of divorce.

-They adapt the behavior and will tend to repeat it once their turns come.

-Divorce is the ultimate answer of couple conflict. It can be "good" or "bad", depends.

You are right. Most of them forgot that their children are not independent like american, even they want freedom but also they still need support. Unlike american children, they can earn money by themself when they are over 18, on the other hand, they have boyfriend/girlfriend for emotional support.

The effects are not always so negative. Some children are more understanding. Many children have a greater self-reliance and sense of responsibility. Children may learned from their parents mistakes. They will take more precautions when choosing a spouse.

It can sometimes be better than not divorcing.

Yeah it is, but it's better for parents not their children. But they need to think about their children's future, right? And they should be more aware of their feelings. It's up to their decision. Only both of them can make the difference.

Great topic!

However, divorce is not good for everyone . I can't count....

P.

Really?

What about the case of dominant violence from the husband in the family? Drunk husband? Toxic husband? Intoxicated husband? etc...?

Denith! In this 20s, these such cases are almost decreased. It should be other difficulties related to personal emotion, I think.

[Ramin]

Hi everyone

I strongly agree with you guy above, it is sometimes good or bad. How can you suppose to live with a guy who dont love you and not respnsible for the family. Like drunk husband or just having another girlfriend or even wife. When saying about this thing, we usually say it’s becuase the man but sometimes it’ s woman’s fault too.

Before divorcing, let think carefully about the impact it would cause to the whole family esp the children’s future. Who they will depend on if the parent divorced?

If the parent think and follow American style, I beg they dont cos Cambodia is not like U.S, the children will get too little help or even none from the government, unless they can get sponsor from NGO.. etc 

[Pros_DingDong]

Our culture and tradition always make us believe that men are better than women when it comes to being family leaders.
Many Cambodian men take it for granted that they can do many things that are quite irresponsible and offensive to their spouses and still can get away with it. This is because men believe that women can't do anything to them because they are the family heads and take care of the family income. Men know that women don't divorce them because a divorced woman does not have the same respect as a never-married woman does in general, and especially when it comes to new datings and remarriage.

Divorce is never a good thing for a family. It is the last resort to solve family matters. But some men use the FEAR of divorce to abuse their spouses. Amazingly, Cambodian women are very resilient and patient toward many abusive behaviors of their husbands in order to preserve the family and maintain the values and concept of a good family that are fiercely believed to be the core value of Cambodian culture.

WOmen need to stand up. They should be able to get income for the family so that their husbands share the same respects for each other. Men should understand that women who stay at home cooking meals, cleaning house, and raising kids work as hard, if not harder as men do to contribute to the family.

Divorce is not always good, but it is neccessary when it comes to liberating women from abusing men. It's 2008. It's not the American or Western influence that makes more divorces occur. In fact, it's the fact that women nowadays get to learn more about how to excercise their rights so that they can be as equal as men.

However, i have noticed that many Cambodian wives still have so much tolerance toward their husbands visiting karaoke and massage places. Could the wives go out and have sex with other guys and it's ok too? Yes i know how men will react to this question. but that should be women's reaction too.
 

[rachada]

Good, good…

[Panharath]

In this modern day, women now are standing tall. They can raise themselves well. And they know how to treat the right thing. As you said, most of wives have much tolerance to their husbands. Noticeably, women now learn how to love themselves more. Amount know how to measure the value can vary without causing problems, divorce. And of course, they know how to deal with problems. Unlike previous years, women don’t even dare to raise their hand to argue with husbands and actually, they need their husband’s support. So do their children.

Yeah, I know how men gonna react with this question too. They might could not answer, though. However, it’s not gonna happend for wives who will go out and have sex with other guys. But if it does, they must be live under much pressure which make them out to find another support. Everyone need warm and love and so do they.

Actually, in relationship or marriage life, no one right or wrong and every little or big problems will occure. It depends on how much each of them understand about each other. Everyone need to confront and have a talk.

By the way, I found most of cambodian now have a good preparation and they know better in relationships. Hopefully most of us will not get divorced, but if we do, I feel we need to be better prepared. We need to know how to better aid our children and the effects it might have on them.

[denith]

Our culture and tradition always make us believe that men are better than women when it comes to being family leaders.
Many Cambodian men take it for granted that they can do many things that are quite irresponsible and offensive to their spouses and still can get away with it. This is because men believe that women can't do anything to them because they are the family heads and take care of the family income. Men know that women don't divorce them because a divorced woman does not have the same respect as a never-married woman does in general, and especially when it comes to new datings and remarriage.

Divorce is never a good thing for a family. It is the last resort to solve family matters. But some men use the FEAR of divorce to abuse their spouses. Amazingly, Cambodian women are very resilient and patient toward many abusive behaviors of their husbands in order to preserve the family and maintain the values and concept of a good family that are fiercely believed to be the core value of Cambodian culture.

WOmen need to stand up. They should be able to get income for the family so that their husbands share the same respects for each other. Men should understand that women who stay at home cooking meals, cleaning house, and raising kids work as hard, if not harder as men do to contribute to the family.

Divorce is not always good, but it is neccessary when it comes to liberating women from abusing men. It's 2008. It's not the American or Western influence that makes more divorces occur. In fact, it's the fact that women nowadays get to learn more about how to excercise their rights so that they can be as equal as men.

However, i have noticed that many Cambodian wives still have so much tolerance toward their husbands visiting karaoke and massage places. Could the wives go out and have sex with other guys and it's ok too? Yes i know how men will react to this question. but that should be women's reaction too.
 

Yeah, consider this. You can not rely on your instinct to deal with family issues. In Cambodia, the family is bounded by the marriage, thus, base your thought on independence and freedom is completely fatal. Yeah, this is Cambodia, not the US, where people marriage as personal engagement not group joint... so the impact after the divorce is minor compared to our country. Plus, how will you face "others" when you have the (many) "divorce" background(s).

[Panharath]

Plus, how will you face "others" when you have the (many) "divorce" background(s).

How come you do care about facing with others while you have divorce background? Is it a shame when people know about this? It’s about life and problems and since things didn’t work out, what can we do? Just be honest to yourself and learn to accept what it’s already happened. Ok, if people want to discuss or gossip about our private live, in unkind way, just let them talk. You don’t need to care and they definitely don’t know about the causes and the reasons. If you’re too busy about troubling with your status, how can you make an other step forward? Oi! Denith! You are a Super-Caring-About_What_People_Say!

[denith]

You have to understand the Khmer concept. They care about background.

[Panharath]

But I found that people who got some bittersweet background know well how to deal with problems and you dont wanna give them a chance if you come to know some of them? Will you refuse to make friend with them?

[rachada]

Making friend is not about looking to the background.No matter who you are, I always be your friend... positive thinking