Paragraph writing

[vutha_cupid]

There is an essay writing competition. But i think those, including me, who haven't learn how to produce any essays yet should write a paragraph with me now. I hope that all of you will join this request. Anyway, we're the writers, and we're the one who correct each other's pieces of writing.

Here is the topic of today:

Write a 100-150-word paragraph about The Influx of Foreign Culture.

[Paul Brown (MA CELTA)]

 Hey Vutha-cupid, 

 I will help you with the paragraph. Here I have used a Topic Sentence and then supported the topic sentence with lots of supporting sentences which explain and give more details about my topic sentence.

 Hope some other members can have a go at writing a paragraph for you as well,

 Have fun,

 Paul

Paragraph on influx of foreign culture

  The influx of a foreign culture has to be seen as both positive and negative. It is positive in that it opens the receipient culture up to new ideas and new opportunities. This could take the form of new technology or new forms of media and information or could take the form of new investments in the county, which could lead to new jobs and more opportunites for the members of the receipient country to grow and prosper. However, it needs to be remembered that if a foreign culture has too much influence, this could lead to the loss of the original culture and challenge the traditions or values of the receipient culture. Therefore it seems that a balance has to be made between the old and the new in order to allow both the foreign and local cultures to live together in unity and harmony.

[vutha_cupid]

 :DWhat a wonderful paragraph you have produce, Paul! You've talked about its both pros and cons in general, haven't you? To me, I've narrowed the topic down. I'm gonna show the benefits of the influx in Cambodia in my opinion-based paragraph. And I hope that everyone will correct it and give me some comments. Here it is:


Influx of Foreign Culture


   Based on my point of view, influx of foreign culture plays an important role in making the lifestyles of the Cambodian better and more convenient. For instance, in the olden time, there was not a single proper educational system. Only boys were taught by Buddhist monks in pagoda, while girls had to stay at home and learnt how to deal with household chores. However, since the period of French colonization, the system has been changed. Schools and universities have been built to support the increasing number of students, consisting of both boys and girls. Plus, there are plenty more subjects to study, such as mathematics, physics, computer applications, management, and what have you. Modernity of life is another example. Fashionable clothes make teenagers look cool and cute. Foreign foods, including pizza, hamburger, sushi, or donut, are available in the locality. That is, the locals can try them without going abroad. Such various kinds of entertainment and recreation as concert, film, football game, and casino are being enjoyed in the whole kingdom. Personally, were there not the influx, it would take a long time to have such ways of life in Cambodia.
 

[denith]

I believe that the influx of foreign culture is like the effect of medicine... if you use it correctly, it will improves your health while it may cause you fatal in case of abusing it. For foreign culture, there is no difference. Khmer culture, from the past, used to be and is influenced by many civilized culture such as Indian and China, so considering the current influence, it is not such a big issue. It brings us new way of thinking and expressing our life. As we can see, Democracy is kind of foreign influence. On the other hand, foreign culture does have negative effect on Cambodian society since the young people feel too deep into it. There are excessive support from those young people when they do know nothing about their own culture. Some kids say they want to be Thai more than being a Khmer. Consequently, foreign culture does not always have positive influence.