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[___Tola___]

Hello everybody,

This is my new topic that I do my best efford to write. I hope that what I wrote would be improve better then before from your recommands.

Thank

[center]Environment in Phnom Penh
Problems and Conservation
[/center]
In general, the environmental factor is always in consideration and concentration while one country, region or city is planning to infrastructure and develop. Speaking of the word “Environment”, it contains the living things as well as non-living things around us, including air, soil, water, plants, and animals. The environment also includes human being and the creation of human being. As human being, we are inseparable from our environment and cannot exist without the natural environment. Anyways, to achieve a pure, modern, and attractive city, development must be together with environmental protection. In contrast, we still have some serious problems faced to our environment, especially in Phnom Penh city.

If we compare to the last ten years of population growth in Phnom Penh, there are varieties three times of number of people living in the city and twice of growing expectancy in Phnom Penh. So only in a very small city of 357 km2, it contains almost 3 million people. Along with this much amount of population, the increasing of requirements and waste are terribly taken place. We are adding too much waste to our environment. In small amounts, waste is not a serious problem because the natural environment can absorb some waste. However, the water, land, and air become too dirty to use and have negative effects to human health as well as our earth planet.

The other factor affected to the environment in Phnom Penh is industrial field and vehicle uses. Completely according to Cambodia is a developing country, most of the industrial factories are located in urban areas in order to make the industrialization easy to work and reduce the costs in both productive service and transportation. So there is only Phnom Penh which is the commercial and industrial zone. Because there are less management of waste created from the procedure of productivity, those waste, which contains chemical elements, remains and pollute to the atmosphere, land, and water. In addition, the increasing of people living in Phnom Penh is automatically required the uses of vehicle for transportation. Air pollution is come from this problem, burning of fossil fuels. What is more, all the electricity generators are using diesels and gasoline which also affect to our environment.
As we have known that population growth and industrialization and vehicle ignitions are the main points of damaging environment in Phnom Penh city as well as those which are in developing countries. All kinds of waste have very negative effects to our environment. It comes from the industrial activities which those factories are situated around water sources. Solid waste such as garbage and cans are seen everywhere in Phnom Penh, especially a huge waste dump in Stung Meanchey. As the result, they have been directly affecting to people’s health and other living organisms either in water or on the land. There are many diseases such as cholera, itch, skin disorder, diarrhea, and others if contacted with them. In addition, waste water management in Phnom Penh is extremely poor. There are frequent floods in the city during the rainy season as the sewers become rapidly clogged with solid waste.   

Since we have known the cause of environmental pollution, then we can do something to reduce them either individual or group. Law of environment must be strengthened, so that there is no one can do illegally to our environment. But what we should do now are cleaning and then protecting it from those problems. People can make our city tiny by only reducing waste or possibly packaging well on it. It is better if people reduce their own transportation, by increasing public transport system. The owners of industrial factories should invest outside the city center and preferably down-wind of the city. The Authority must do punishment to those who break the law and encourage those who are legal to produce in high standard technology of their productions and recycle the disposal waste.

In conclusion, environmental pollution, not only in Phnom Penh city comes from human activities. So the authority and related institutions play a very important part in management and protection of our environment. The estimated plans of developing city have to be evaluated on environmental effects before processing the development. At the end, to make our city very pure and attractive, we are human being should actively take part in conserving our environment as well as our selves. We are a part of it, but if it is damaged, there is better planet for us to live! 

[denith]

I didnt correct all, but I will. For now, i have seen much improvements and I can tell your spirit really guides you to be a good writer. Rite now, I have to prepare something... so I copy this text and will correct it at home. But really well done from you.

[denith]

Environment in Phnom Penh Problems and Conservation

I want to tell you that, some of the mistake will be corrected once, I mean, you should look for the similar mistake for yourself in the essay.

In general, the environmental factor is always in consideration and concentration while one country, region or city is planning to infrastructure and develop (missing something… incomplete statement and unclear point of view). Speaking of the word “Environment”, it contains the living things as well as non-living things around us, including air, soil, water, plants, and animals. The environment also includes human being and the creation of human being (very good explanation). As human being, we are inseparable from our environment and cannot exist without the natural environment. Anyways, to achieve a pure, modern, and attractive city, development must be together with environmental protection. In contrast, we still have some serious problems faced to our environment, especially in Phnom Penh city.

Very good start so far, eventhought some errors emerge, but you have done well to make an introduction comes to live. Quite academic, your introduction is!

If we compare to the last ten years of population growth in Phnom Penh, there are varieties three times of number of people living in the city and twice of growing expectancy in Phnom Penh (I don’t know if I am not good enough to understand these sentences, care explain me!). So only in a very small city of 357 km2, it contains almost 3 million people (density?). Along with this much amount of population, the increasing of requirements and waste are terribly taken place. We are adding too much waste to our environment. In small amounts, waste is not a serious problem because the natural environment can absorb some waste. However, the water, land, and air become too dirty to use and have negative effects to (on?) human health as well as our earth planet.

Hmm… I notice one thing… that is you are using the same word all over again. Count how many times you use the term “waste”… It is not wrong anyway, but it can lowers your point on word choice and vocabulary. If possible, find a word with equivalent meaning.
And again, we need supporting statements, where are they? And the concluding sentence as well… you miss them.
All in all, this paragraph is incomplete and meaningless. Because, you didn’t make it clears about the topic sentence and controlling idea. All you have in there is just elaboration (or illustration).

The other factor affected to the environment in Phnom Penh is industrial field and vehicle uses. Completely according to (I suggest you should use “as” here, this sentence sounds unnatural) Cambodia is a developing country, most of the industrial factories are located in urban areas (Separate them, make it two sentences) in order to make the industrialization easy to work and reduce the costs in both productive service and transportation. So, there is only Phnom Penh which is the commercial and industrial zone. Because there are less management of waste created from the procedure of productivity, those waste, which contains chemical elements, remains and pollute to the atmosphere, land, and water. In addition, the increasing of people living in Phnom Penh is automatically required the uses of vehicle for transportation. Air pollution is come from this problem, burning of fossil fuels. What is more, all the electricity generators are using diesels and gasoline which also affect to (no “to”) our environment.
As we have known (In writing, It is better to use past simple then present perfect) that population growth and industrialization and vehicle ignitions are the main points of damaging environment in Phnom Penh city as well as those which are in developing countries. All kinds of waste have very negative effects to our environment. It comes from the industrial activities which those factories are situated around water sources. Solid waste such as garbage and cans are seen everywhere in Phnom Penh, especially a huge waste dump in Stung Meanchey. As the result, they have been directly affecting to people’s health and other living organisms either in water or on the land. There are many diseases such as cholera, itch, skin disorder, diarrhea, and others if contacted with them. In addition, waste water management in Phnom Penh is extremely poor. There are frequent floods in the city during the rainy season as the sewers become rapidly clogged with solid waste.

Since we have known the cause of environmental pollution, then we can do something to reduce them either (by) individual or group. Law of environment must be strengthened (“up”, to make it more intense), so that there is no one can do illegally to our environment. But what we should do now are cleaning and then protecting it from those problems. People can make our city tiny by only reducing waste or possibly packaging well on it. It is better if people reduce their own transportation, by increasing public transport system. The owners of industrial factories should invest outside the city center and preferably down-wind of the city. The Authority must do punishment to those who break the law and encourage those who are legal to produce in high standard technology of their productions and recycle the disposal waste.

In conclusion, environmental pollution, not only in Phnom Penh city comes from human activities. So the authority and related institutions play a very important part in management and protection of our environment. The estimated plans of developing city have to be evaluated on environmental effects before processing the development. At the end, to make our city very pure and attractive, we are human being should actively take part in conserving our environment as well as our selves. We are a part of it, but if it is damaged, there is better planet for us to live!

Impressive, are you studying academic writing? Because the style of this writing is really academic. I want to praise you for hard-working and wish to see more. 
Hmm if I’m not wrong, you are writing the “problem and solution” type, rite?
However, I have many suggestions as well as advice.
Remember: If you choose to end a paragraph, make sure you follow the procedure: topic sentence, controlling idea, elaboration, supporting statement, and concluding sentence.
I want you to re-check your essay again. Learning to correct yourself is the key to success. I think I have done enough to help you this time.


TASK: DONE.
STYLE: GOOD.
COHERENT & COHESION: GREAT.
WORD CHOICE AND VOCABULARY: IMPRESSIVE.
OVERALL: You did great to impress us here. I want to tell you to continue your hard work by learning from these feedbacks.